I thought I wouldn’t let the year end without at least making an effort to do a year-ender post, for posterity’s sake. There are so many thoughts swimming in my mind, most of it formed during the quietest time of my day – when I’m putting the boys to sleep. One perched on my chest in all his 20-something pound glory; the other with his head resting on my shoulder. It’s not the best or most comfortable position but it’s when my mind is at its absolute peace.
When I do sit down in front of the computer to type, my mind goes blank and all those coherent thoughts are thrown out the window. Sometimes I shut my eyes and think hard so words would flow, most of the time and as you can see from here, I just let the thoughts wander and then have it come back when it wants me to write about them.
I will be turning 35 in a few weeks and I actually find it quite unnerving that I am closer to the age of 40 than the vivacity of the 20s. Yes, age ain’t nothing but a number, yadda yadda yadda. I can’t tell for sure if I have anything to show for my age. And often times recently, the shadow of self-doubt looms and gives way to ruminations. But, you live and learn and I hope there’s wisdom gained between then and now.
It is amazing how as each year draws to a close, I am reminded of how time just flew me by. My boys have changed a lot since the beginning of the year, I find myself trying to recall every event or snippet of memory made and often times I fail at recollection. I smell their tiny feet every chance I get, rub it warm when they are sleeping. God knows how long they would let me do this. It worries me sometimes that I forget something, but there are always newer memories to build.
In the first quarter of 2010, J made a laundry list of our to-do’s for the year on post-it notes which were stuck on one side of the wall of our bedroom. When an item was done or completed it was stripped off. I think we did good that year and got rid of all the stickies.
There are several to-do’s in our list for the new year, some of them easy to achieve, some are high and mighty, some lie on a personal level (mine to be specific) that only really requires wings and a prayer. I’m hopeful for new beginnings, especially ones that will improve you. I’d like to think that certain do-overs have no expiration date.
And with that I’d like to end this with a New Year Wish journal entry from Neil Gaiman, no less:
I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.
Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.
So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.
Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever.